When you have mixed feelings about an abusive relationship

tikken:

realsocialskills:

Content warning: this post probably uses language that gets used against abuse victims. I’m trying to avoid that, but I don’t think I’ve entirely succeeded, and some of these words might be triggering. Proceed with caution.

So, here’s the thing.

People are complicated, and relationships are even more complicated. Abuse victims are often pressured to pretend that things are simple. They’re pressured to believe that if there was any positive aspect whatsoever to an abusive relationship, then it wasn’t really as abusive as they think it was.

But it doesn’t work that way. People aren’t averaged. People can do some really good things, and some abusive things. They don’t cancel each other out. They coexist. Whatever else happened, the abuse was real, and you’re right not to tolerate it.

Sometimes… sometimes your abuser is also the person who taught you your favorite recipe.

Or something fundamental about how you understand the world.

Or a major skill you now use professionally.

Or maybe they gave you a lot of valuable criticism that made your art better.

Or maybe they supported you materially when you were in real trouble.

Or any number of other things.

And…

…none of that makes the abuse ok. None of that is mitigating in any way. It doesn’t cancel anything out. Sometimes people talk like the abusive interactions and the good ones get put in a blender or something, and like some sort of theoretical blended average is what really counts. That’s not how it works. It’s the actual interactions that count, not some theoretical average. The abuse is real, and significant, no matter what else happened.

It doesn’t have to be one or the other. If some things about an abusive relationship were positive, it’s ok to acknowledge and value them.

And you can still refuse to ever have anything to do with your abuser ever again. You can still be angry. You can still hate them. You can still decide never to forgive them. You can still warn people against them. None of these things are mutually exclusive.

And, most importantly, valuing some aspects of the relationship or having some positive memories does not in *any way* mean the abuse was your fault.

This is so, so important and I can’t believe it has less than 1,000 notes. This needs to be shared.

Bolded emphasis mine.

This is something I struggle with and I can’t stress to people enough how important it is to make sure their aware that the abuse wasn’t their fault. Thanks to tikken for their additions to the text because they help tie it all up.

sonjabergstrom:

En samling av Min Lilla Ponny-versioner av mina vänner. Den sista föreställer min partner och mig :) Bilderna är mycket färgstarka i verkligheten, och jag tycker inte att skanningen gör dem rättvisa…A collection of My Little Pony-versions of my friends. The last one is of my partner and me :) The pictures are very vibrant i real life, and I don’t think the scan does them justice….
Sonja Bergström’s Portfolio

Everyone should follow, like, and reblog Sonja’s art. :3 It’s just all so good and cute and adorable and pretty and filled with awesome and did I mention she based one of these drawings after me? So that’s an added bonus. ;)
Zoom Info
sonjabergstrom:

En samling av Min Lilla Ponny-versioner av mina vänner. Den sista föreställer min partner och mig :) Bilderna är mycket färgstarka i verkligheten, och jag tycker inte att skanningen gör dem rättvisa…A collection of My Little Pony-versions of my friends. The last one is of my partner and me :) The pictures are very vibrant i real life, and I don’t think the scan does them justice….
Sonja Bergström’s Portfolio

Everyone should follow, like, and reblog Sonja’s art. :3 It’s just all so good and cute and adorable and pretty and filled with awesome and did I mention she based one of these drawings after me? So that’s an added bonus. ;)
Zoom Info
sonjabergstrom:

En samling av Min Lilla Ponny-versioner av mina vänner. Den sista föreställer min partner och mig :) Bilderna är mycket färgstarka i verkligheten, och jag tycker inte att skanningen gör dem rättvisa…A collection of My Little Pony-versions of my friends. The last one is of my partner and me :) The pictures are very vibrant i real life, and I don’t think the scan does them justice….
Sonja Bergström’s Portfolio

Everyone should follow, like, and reblog Sonja’s art. :3 It’s just all so good and cute and adorable and pretty and filled with awesome and did I mention she based one of these drawings after me? So that’s an added bonus. ;)
Zoom Info
sonjabergstrom:

En samling av Min Lilla Ponny-versioner av mina vänner. Den sista föreställer min partner och mig :) Bilderna är mycket färgstarka i verkligheten, och jag tycker inte att skanningen gör dem rättvisa…A collection of My Little Pony-versions of my friends. The last one is of my partner and me :) The pictures are very vibrant i real life, and I don’t think the scan does them justice….
Sonja Bergström’s Portfolio

Everyone should follow, like, and reblog Sonja’s art. :3 It’s just all so good and cute and adorable and pretty and filled with awesome and did I mention she based one of these drawings after me? So that’s an added bonus. ;)
Zoom Info

sonjabergstrom:

En samling av Min Lilla Ponny-versioner av mina vänner. Den sista föreställer min partner och mig :) Bilderna är mycket färgstarka i verkligheten, och jag tycker inte att skanningen gör dem rättvisa…

A collection of My Little Pony-versions of my friends. The last one is of my partner and me :) The pictures are very vibrant i real life, and I don’t think the scan does them justice….

Sonja Bergström’s Portfolio

Everyone should follow, like, and reblog Sonja’s art. :3 It’s just all so good and cute and adorable and pretty and filled with awesome and did I mention she based one of these drawings after me? So that’s an added bonus. ;)

Hey you!

nickmillerza:

Good morning my handful of Tumblr followers.  If you see this, please comment and introduce yourself.  Even one line.  Even better, what would you like to see on Tumblr from me.  At the moment I’m just reposting Instragrams.  <3 you all!

Kyra from the USA. I love to travel, and last year I lived in Stockholm, Sweden. I just started to make YouTube videos (x) for my own enjoyment, but make other videos for my job and for local non-profits (x). I just love creative expression in all sorts of forms. :) Also a big fan of skiing, hiking, and photography.
And I’d love to see more pictures, and perhaps blog posts? Anything really!

digivolvin:

whenever you’re in a situation where you need motivation just whisper “give ‘em the old razzle dazzle” to yourself and proceed to give ‘em the old razzle dazzle.

"You can’t give a dementor the old razzle dazzle,” said Harry through clenched teeth.

Yup. Another video.

Watch it if you’ve ever seen a makeup tutorial, or enjoy puppies.

Telluride AIDS Benefit Student Fashion Show 2014

Each year as a part of the Telluride AIDS Benefit, Telluride high school students produce a fashion show in order to gain awareness and money for HIV/AIDS benefit.
This year, 50 high school students were involved, and 21 businesses donated apparel for the show.

Film by Kyra Westman

If you haven&#8217;t watched My Mad Fat Diary, then please take the next few minutes canceling your meetings next week and haircut appointment. Put off your grocery shopping, laundry and school work. The dog can walk itself. Just go watch it.

If you haven’t watched My Mad Fat Diary, then please take the next few minutes canceling your meetings next week and haircut appointment. Put off your grocery shopping, laundry and school work. The dog can walk itself. Just go watch it.